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fifth april.

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let's chase the summer and forget the world.

hmm! :) hello
for some reason in these last two hours before i turn 21, the most significant age in one's lifetime, i suddenly felt like blogging hahaha. i don't know who remembers my birthday and who doesn't, and as i grow older i suddenly feel like usually on my birthday or as my birthday draws near i don't exactly feel very happy. in fact, i would feel happier when im anticipating it? somehow my special day always felt more special than what it actually feels like on that day. and on that day, time will slip away like a fistful of sand, and i will spend most of my time feeling sad that the day is slowly ending. hahaha. doesnt sound very pleasant does it?

however, im soon going to turn 21. and now admist my microb notes i suddenly feel peace in my heart. i feel a certain kind of small joy, which makes the ends of my mouth turn up slightly into a :) i remember i think my most memorable birthday was when i was 16? when so many people unexpectedly wished me happy birthday, when my class sang a song for me right in the nanyang canteen. hahaha. when the dancers truly surprised me at our old hangout, kap. as we age we start to get used to the celebrations, we just know that our friends will be there to celebrate for us. (: and i started to find myself looking forward to surprises, being surprised, and most of the time i find myself disappointed because its hard to surprise me, really, haahha it might be a bad thing, but yeah its true. somehow i am quite observant of things especially when i know its my birthday? smthg like that. hahaha. suddenly finding myself so childish that im saying this!!! but guess its not anything to be ashamed about because everyone wants to be happy on their special day, of course. to those who do not know, i have been feeling super stressed up this sem, because of the increasing urge to tell me i have to do better than what i have been doing. and i have been having tests after tests since recess week!!!!!!! gosh. hahaha. and this week is considered a 'hell week' by many, with THREE TESTS and i have to submit an essay! i have been telling people whyyy my 21st, my biggest birthday! has to be so sad with so many tests hahahahaha.and i have been super damn depressed because i know studying makes me so miserable, more miserable than i have ever been studying in my whole life. but now for some strange reason, though i seriously have not studied much for my test tmr, i suddenly feel very at peace and i feel like smiling. :)

i know that my friends will be celebrating for me again of course, but i think i am not that young anymore to wish for surprises. instead, today im happy and very glad i have a bunch of friends with me who will remember my birthday, buy me a present and im glad for birthdays which bring our clique together admist our busy schedules ever since uni. i have a lovely mom who wanted to give me my birthday present which i insisted to only get tmr, hahaha, and my sister who gave me a RULER for my birthday, the very first present she gave me AHAHHAHA when she was in p sch but she lost it in sch and just told me that i was supposed to have a ruler. HAHAHAAHA. my brother, the rebellious but cute one, who actually cooked soup tonight???????????? & i was surprised when my mom said he asked her if we're eating out tonight. we usually do that only during special days and i was surprised he had my birthday in his mind :) and i have a special someone who bought a polaroid for me and was super dumb because it was bought right before meeting me???? haahhaha and he just wished i didnt notice. and who wanted to come my house right now to wait for my birthday with me but knows i gotta study. hahaha.

GOSH. i am so very blessed that i feel tears (of joy) to my eyes right now. thank you life. (: can't believe its almost here! in a way, i have sort of been looking forward to being 21 all my life?? :) even though after this, there will be no significant age and time will pass faster and i will feel old more often!! my 21st year, here i come. (: i wish you'll bring joy, happiness and good health to my family, loved ones and I, and mould me into a more diligent, responsible and caring person. (: